Of True Love and Sarcasm
by of-convoluted-disillusion
Summary: In which Moony is sarcastic, Prongs does NOT have an ego problem and Padfoot can't understand how Prongs can fancy a girl who's also their friend. Rated T for language, please R & R


**Hey guys :) me again. This was another shortish Marauder conversation I wrote out of pure boredom, hope you like it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. It all belongs to JK!**

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**Of True Love and Sarcasm**

**James: **James is bored.

**Sirius: **James is also talking in the third person.

**James: **Does Sirius have a problem with that?

**Sirius: **No! Sirius finds it highly entertaining!

**James: **Is Sirius making fun of James?

**Sirius: **No! Sirius is serious.

**Remus: **You are? What's wrong with you?

**Sirius: **What? Can't I be Sirius the Serious for once?

**Remus: **Well, you could be…but you won't be.

**Sirius: **…anyway, that doesn't matter. We have a bored Marauder here, we can't waste time arguing.

**James: **No! By all means, continue bickering! I find it endlessly entertaining!

**Sirius: **You have an odd concept of 'entertaining'.

**Peter: **Actually, I find it quite entertaining as well.

**Sirius: **Yeah, well, I always knew you were a hopeless case, Wormtail.

**Peter: **If watching people argue doesn't entertain you, then what does, Padfoot?

**Sirius: **Wormtail, you've shared a dorm with me for five and a half years. You know my favourite pastimes include strolling around the lake at sunset and drinking champagne by candlelight to romantic music- oh, and I love Shakespeare.

**James: **Sorry, _what_?

**Remus: **That's what he told his girlfriend last week.

**Sirius: **Er…ex-girlfriend, actually. Oh, Abigail, how thee fell for my charms.

**Remus: **She didn't seem too charmed when she was slapping you across the face.

**Sirius: **Shut up, Moony. She liked me well enough before you told her it was _me _who put doxy eggs in her bag in third year.

**Remus: **Er, Padfoot?

**Sirius: **Yes?

**Remus: **That wasn't Abigail. That was Vicky.

**Sirius: **Ah, yes. They do rather look alike, don't they?

**Remus: **Not really.

**Sirius: **Well, they were both hot and I'm pretty sure they were both female. That's alike.

**Remus: **You are a _shallow_ human being.

**Sirius: **I can't be expected to remember the name and appearance of _every _girlfriend I've ever had!

**Remus: **We all remember ours.

**Sirius: **Yeah, well you've had two girlfriends in your whole time at Hogwarts. And both times, you panicked and broke up with them right before the full moon.

**Remus: **And then you dated them both.

**Sirius: **…Peter's had _one _girlfriend, and they dated for two years.

**Remus: **You hooked up with her in that broom cupboard on the third floor a month after they split.

**Sirius: **…and James has never gone on more than two dates with the same girl.

**Remus: **Because he gets annoyed with them for talking about you the entire time.

**James: **Hey, that was only five different girls! And Padfoot, you're hardly better!

**Sirius: **I stay with girls for about two _months_, Prongs. As I just pointed out, you've managed two _dates_.

**James: **I would stay with one girl for the rest of my life if she was the _right _girl.

**Sirius: **Meaning Lily.

**James: **Shut up.

**Sirius: **Doesn't it feel weird to fancy Lily?

**Remus: **I would feel weird.

**Peter: **I'd just feel depressed.

**James: **That's because you'd always know you weren't good enough for her, Wormtail. Besides, it doesn't feel weird, it feels absolutely right.

**Remus: **Well aren't you just a sentimental little princess?

**Sirius: **Really, Prongs. It's weird. She's our mate.

**James: **She was the love of my life before we became friends with her.

**Remus: **How romantic. Did _she_ realise you were destined for each other back when she threatened to hex you every time you came within ten feet of each other?

**James: **Shut up. No. She never really hated me, she said so herself.

**Sirius: **Yeah, but you know what girls are like. Bipolar, all of them, and not one will admit to it. She just doesn't want to believe that she changed her mind about us, so she'll spend the rest of her life pretending she secretly liked us all along.

**James: **Or maybe her friendship with Snivellus was just clouding her judgement.

**Sirius: **Or _maybe _your overly large _head_ clouded her judgement.

**James: **My head is of perfectly regular dimensions, thank you very much.

**Sirius: **Yes. Absolutely. Just like your ego.

**James: **We've been over this. I do _not _have an ego problem.

**Sirius: **No? I suppose you don't think you're any good at Quidditch, then?

**James: **I'm _amazing _at Quidditch. Everyone knows that. It's a fact, not an opinion.

**Sirius: **Hmm. Interesting. And who, besides myself, is the best looking person in the school?

**James: **That's easy.

**Sirius: **Is it you, by any chance?

**James: **Again, that's a fact.

**Sirius: **Fascinating. And who, pray tell, do you think will come first in all our exams this year?

**James: **Me, of course. Who else is smart enough?

**Sirius: **I see.

**James: **Although, Lily will beat me at Charms and Potions, because she's always had a knack for those.

**Sirius: **And so, we've arrived back at Lily. Another topic where you refuse to see the obvious.

**James: **The obvious?

**Sirius: **Yeah, like how she _doesn't _want to go out with you.

**James: **She does.

**Peter: **No, she doesn't.

**James: **She does! She just…maybe…hasn't realised yet…

**Sirius: **Or she just doesn't want to.

**James: **Yeah, but she does.

**Sirius: **Not really…

**Remus: **I don't mean to stop an _interesting_ conversation that we _haven't _already had a thousand times, but the subject of the conversation is coming, and I don't think she'd like to know we were talking about her.

**James: **Lily! Hi!

**Lily: **Hi!

**James: **Hey…

**Lily: **…Remus, what's wrong with him?

**Remus: **He's never been in a committed relationship.

**James: **Neither have you!

**Remus: **I've been in a longer relationship than _you_.

**Sirius: **What's really sad is that _I've_ been in a longer relationship than either of you.

**Lily: **Really? Why? I mean, I can understand why James would have trouble holding down a girl-

**James: **Hey!

**Lily: **-but Remus? He's interesting, he's endearing, he's sweet-

**Sirius: **Ha! Moony? Sweet?

**Lily: **Yeah! He's always being so kind and considerate to everyone-

**Sirius: **What about _me_? He's not kind _or _considerate to me!

**Lily: **-and he has such _lovely _manners-

**Sirius: **He's the definition of cruel!

**Lily: **-and unlike you or James, he wouldn't hurt a fly!

**Sirius: **He tripped me down three flights of stairs yesterday!

**Remus:** You're not a fly.

**James: **Lily, I hate to say it, but I think you've got Remus all wrong. He may be interesting, but he is _not _endearing, or sweet, or kind, or considerate! His manners are impeccable only until the teachers turn their backs, and I would hate to think what might happen to a poor, innocent fly if it got in the way of his temper. Now, me, on the other hand-

**Remus: **I can't imagine what you're talking about, Prongs. Perhaps you have me mistaken for somebody else.

**Peter: **Anyway, you're all forgetting that _I've _actually been in a longer relationship than any of you.

**James: **Well that's depressing.

**Sirius: **Well, I suppose miracles _do _happen.

**Remus: **Or maybe Peter has something you don't.

**Sirius: **Like what?

**Remus: **A heart?

**Sirius: **Are you calling me a heartless bastard?

**Remus: **Sort of, yeah.

**Sirius: **Takes one to know one.

**Remus: **What an original response. Did you think of that all by yourself?

**Sirius: **…I hate you sometimes.


End file.
